Change and How We Handle It

There is only one outcome that is certain, which is if there is life, there is death, but the bit in between may look like the drawing.  We have to make things up as we go along, to make choices or change plans, take control of what is possible every day. We do this by using past experiences and behaviour, i.e. setting boundaries, using defences and strategies that we have felt have worked for us before.

However, if you are a child and something happens, your choices for coping will be limited. Your mind and body will not have fully formed.  You will have a limited perspective on life, and you are likely to think it is something you have done.

We find a way through it, we survive and we have learnt that whatever we did worked, so we repeat that solution.  We might learn a little more and adapt it slightly over time, but you may notice that the adaptations are not positive. You may start to limit life and before you know it, you are in this stuck, joyless way of being.

Change can feel scary, better the devil you know, right? Yet change is happening all the time. We are constantly adapting as life moves us forward from education into work. Relationships enable us to meet new people; technology is advancing all the time.  So, we are used to some change. 

Maybe change feels scary as we think it is something big that needs to happen. Yet small changes to habits can be achieved, become part of ordinary life and a small step has happened. Keep repeating that and you will change.

For example, if I said I am running the London Marathon next year, that sounds big and too much. Yet, if I go online and find out what it entails, think of a charity to support, invest in some appropriate shoes, spend time with a personal trainer to get a programme and advice, then before I know it, the impossible, feels possible.

So next time you are feeling challenged by something, what little changes could you make to stretch yourself without too much fear of pain or failure and give it a go. As George Eliot said:

“It is never too late to become the person you might have been.”